Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize