I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
