Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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