I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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