i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
