so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
