Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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