I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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