On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i think im in europe. pls send help
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
