Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
