So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
