Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
