i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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