This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize