The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
