he was CRYING into my vagina
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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