so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize