how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
