Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
