It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
