we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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