Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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