So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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