Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
