We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
whose parrot is this?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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