its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize