There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
