so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
