I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
