So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
