apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
