I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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