I'm going to jail i love you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
