I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
