I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
