I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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