Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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