I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
