marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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