his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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