i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
