my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
