Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
