we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
