go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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