yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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