the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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