on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
