Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
