before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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