3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
