the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
