Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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