STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
