you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
