I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
