Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
