This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
