goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
