Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
