Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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