i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
