you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
