so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
