Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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