We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
