You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my liver is dry heaving
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
