i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
