sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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