she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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