My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
