I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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