I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
