did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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