Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
