I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize