They should really pass out barf bags in church
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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